Abstract
The purpose of the research on which this article is based, is embedded in the research question: What was the experience of adolescent boys of the death of a parent and of the support they received to cope with their grief? A theoretical framework and literature control were obtained by a literature study and the empirical information that was collected was processed to reach a conclusion.
The death of a parent is one of the most painful and disrupting experiences for a child. It is important that a child be supported during the mourning process to prevent prolonged grief disorder, complicated or traumatic mourning which is characterised by emotional numbness, feelings of emptiness, decreasing self-awareness, confusion about one’s personal role in life, detachment from others, problems regarding acceptance of loss and beliefs in a futile future (McClatchey and Wimmer 2012:32; McClatchey, Vonk, Lee and Bride 2014:70; Schaal, Richter and Thomas 2014:476). The peer group and the people in the environment of the adolescent (the micro-system) play an important role in supporting the bereaved.
The theoretical perspectives of mourning and loss are distinguished in a traditional point of view (Freud, Bowlby and Kubler-Ross) and a contemporary point of view (Stroebe and Schut, as well as Neimeyer). The outcomes of this research show aspects of both the traditional and contemporary approach to the process of mourning: the adolescents went through the various phases of the mourning process, but it was also clear that they had gained a new approach to life that was based on the changing circumstances and the desire to maintain a bond with the deceased.
The acceptance of the death and consequent loss of a loved one is an ongoing process and the adolescent gradually becomes able to accept the loss and becomes empowered to continue with life. This process takes place in a specific eco-systemic context where there is consistent interaction among systems, people and the environment (Bronfenbrenner 1977:514). The dynamics in the immediate environment of a person contribute to development, whether positive or negative (Berns 2013:16) and can play an important role in supporting the adolescent child of a deceased parent.
The five adolescent boys that were chosen to be part of the research were regarded as the best participants because they all had lost a parent through death and were talking from their own experience, therefore being able to make the best contribution regarding the purpose of the research (Bernard 2000:176; Whitely and Crawford 2005:110). The boys were scholars at a secondary school in the rural area of the Western Cape and were living in a previously disadvantaged area for coloured people – an area subjected to large-scale social and economic challenges such as poverty, unemployment, crime, violence, and alcohol and drug abuse. A qualitative, phenomenological approach was used in the research.
A variety of techniques was used to collect the information. The individually semi-structured interviews with the boys were supplemented by a focus group interview during which they reflected on a collage which they had done on their experiences. Specific inclusive criteria were applied and although the gender of the parent was not specified, all the boys had lost a mother through death.
Qualitative thematic coding was utilised to analyse the data which was obtained from the individual interviews, collages and the focus group discussion (Leedy and Ormrod 2010:136; Shenton 2004:73; Wertz 2005:170). Description and broader themes were deduced from the data by means of segmentation and marking of the text (Creswell 2008:245; Hennink et al 2011:217). The participants’ collages were initially analysed individually to obtain themes according to the pictures and headings (words) used to compile the collages. These themes were confirmed or rejected by means of information supplied by the participants in the focus group regarding their collages. The recurring themes acquired by all three of the data-collecting techniques were processed into sub-themes.
Two categories are distinguished as a result of the research question, namely: (1) the personal experiencing of the death of the parent and (2) the support that was given to the grieving adolescent. Four themes emerged from the research: the experiencing of the day of the death, emotions during the first few months/year after the death, the mechanisms the boys used for dealing with their loss, and the influence of the death of the parent on the health and school work of the boys.
One of the participants describes the day of the death as “No easy day”. It was characterised by emotions and typical behaviour and thoughts: intense feelings of disbelief, brokenness, sadness, sorrow, loneliness, shock and rage, and this corresponds with the traditional perspective of bereavement. During the period after the death of the mother, emotions like wrath, anger, and sadness were experienced. Feelings of despair and questions in their minds were also present. The data revealed intense feelings of loneliness and yearning and it was particularly during special times and important occasions that their longing was intense. Three of the participants also referred to feelings of self-reproach, regret and guilt: the boys’ fears and anxiety were referring mainly to the loss of motherly caring, cherishing and support.
The period of bereavement of the participants was characterised by a variety of mechanism for dealing with the situation, namely a positive outlook on life, spiritual convictions, insight into the occurrence and their own behaviour, sport, isolation, a bond with the deceased parent and talking about their loss. The boys indicated that they were inspired by the loss of their mothers to make better choices and to work harder to succeed in their school work. Some of the boys dealt with their loss in a negative manner by means of drug consumption and abusive behaviour, which had a direct negative effect on relationships with family and educators and also on their school work.
The adolescents indicated that they had a need to be on their own and withdrew from their friends and isolated themselves. They had the need for a place of peace and quiet after school hours.
The participants could freely talk about their emotions during the semi-structured individual interviews. They were not as open to talk about their collages during the focus group interview, but in spite of this uneasiness they experienced the session as an opportunity to talk about their loss. During the focus group they were supportive of one another and added value to one another’s views and experiences. Although they regarded talking about their loss as important, they found it difficult to show emotions in the presence of others who may ridicule or regard them as “sissies” should they cry. They also indicated that others may worry about them.
A second category of the research was the support afforded the adolescents by their immediate environment. Four themes emerged, namely support by their peers and friends, support by the teachers and other staff members, support by professional people and support by the family and extended family. There was no significant communication between the school and the surviving parent/guardian after the passing on of the one parent.
In conclusion: the boys indicated that the death of their mothers had a life-changing effect on them; that they were battling emotionally; that they received support from family and friends; that they often wanted to deal with their mourning on their own; that they continued to experience a bond with their deceased mothers; that they developed a greater sense of responsibility; and that insight into their own emotions and those of others had intensified. The outcome of this research could make a contribution in the field of educational psychology with regard to the experiencing of the adolescent boy of the death of a parent, as well as creating a consciousness by teachers of the distress of an adolescent during bereavement.
Keywords: anger, life-changing experience, mourning process, sorrow, support
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