Precious Bikitsha
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Ndizalwa ngo nyaka u1996. Ndizalelwa kwidolophu yase Mthatha.Ndiye ndahlala iminyaka esisthandathu eMthatha, emva koko sahamba sayohlala kwidolophu yaseMonti. Kodwa ke kuyo yonke lonto, ndingowase Gcuwa kwilali yaseZazulwana.
Ndikhumbula mhla sasihamba eMthatha sisiya eMonti. Ndandixelela abanye babefundisi basecaweni yethu ukuba ndiyavuya ngokuba sihamba ngenxa yokuba ndiza kubanabahlobo abangabelungu. Ndandingazi ukuba lento endayithethayo ndineminyaka esisthandathu ndingaze ndiyibone nje ngengxaki kuba iveza indlela esicinga ngayo singabantu abamnyama, futhi iveza nento yokuba abantu abamhlophe sibabeka kwizinga eliphezulu, lo nto ithi xa ungumntu omnyama onezihlobo ezingabelungu uphucukile futhi wena wahlukile kunabanye.
Hayi ke nyani, ndafika eMonti ndakha ubuhlobo nabelungu, nabantu abamnyama, amaNdiya, namaKhaladi. Kodwa ikhona into eyayisohlula nangona sasingabahlobo sonke siifunde kwisikolo esinye. Ndikhumbula iimini kwakuqujwa ngazo. Thina mantombi amnyama sasingathandi ukuqubha kakhulu ngokuba amanzi awemosha inwele zethu, ingakumbi xa sigqibe ukuzenza kwindawo zokwenza inwele. Kodwa eyona nto endingasoze ndiyilibale esikolweni samabanga aphantsi yimini kwakukho umlwo ngayo, bafika ootitshala bezoqonda ukuba kwenzeke ntoni na. Ndikhumbula omnye utitshala esingxolisa ngokuba isimilo sethu sasingalunganga ngokuba sibukele umlwo singazami ukuwuphelisa. Lo titshala wathetha amazwi kuthi singabafundi abamnyama, wathi “Buyelani apho nivela khona”. Ngeloxesha ndandinomsindo ngalamazwi awathethwa ngulo titshala, kodwa ndandingazi ukuba le nto awayithethayo yaveza into engaphaya, ebonisa ucalucalulo futhi nendlela asibona ngayo nje ngabafundi abamnyama- ukuba thina asingabalapha edolophini, sisuka elokishini nasezilalini. Lo nto ke ayiyonyani. Abona bantu abasuka apha, ikwasithi bantu abamnyama. Lo nyaniso abayifuni ke abelungu.
Ndikhe ndicinge ngamaxesha endakhe ndaziva ndijongelwe phantsi ngenxa yebala lolusu lwam, ndibone ukuba nangona ndandingakwazi ukuyicacisa le mpatho imbi, ndandiyazi ukuba ayilunganga futhi imbi kakhulu. Eyona nto ndiyithandayo ngedyunivesithi yeyokuba ndidibane nabantu abafana nam sathi ekuthetheni safumanisa ukuba izinto esidibene nazo ezikolweni nasekukhuleni ziyafana, futhi zixela into yokuba abantu abamnyama basesexinizelweni ngabantu abamhlophe. Idyunivesithi isincede ngokusinika amagama okucacisa izinto esizivileyo, nesisaqhubeka ngokuziva futhi nempatho esiyifumene ekukhuleni kwethu, satsho sakwazi ukuthi into ethile lucalucalulo ngenxa yebala lolusu lomntu, okanye sibone ukubola kwelizwe esiphila kuso.
Ekukhuleni kwam ndifundiswe ngootitshala, futhi ndafunda nakwizinto endizifundayo komaphepha-ndaba nomabonakude ukuba abantwana abazalwa emva ko 1994 bazalelwe enkululekweni. Sibizwa ukuba siyinzala yenkululeko. Le ndlela sibizwa ngayo iye yahamba yanentsingiselo yokuba thina sinethamsanqa sokukwazi ukufunda kwizikolo zasedolophini ezisemgangathweni, futhi asikhuleli kwimeko abazali bethu nookhokho bethu bebekhulela phantsi kwazo. Le nto yokuba yinzala yenkululeko ithetha into yokuba thina asikwazi ukukhalaza xa sidibana nocalucalulo ngokuba imeko yethu ayifani na le abazali bethu abayivileyo phantsi kwe apartheid. Ndikhule ndicinga ukuba mhlawumbi asinokwazi ukuthetha ngocalucalulo ngokuba sihlala nabelungu, sifunda nabo, futhi sakhe nobuhlobo nabo. Kodwa ukufika kwam eKapa kulonyaka uphelileyo, ndiye ndacinga kabini ngalento yokuba yinzala yenkululeko.
Ndikwazi ukuzofunda edyunivesithi ngenxa yokufumana imali kurhulumente. Le mali ndiyibolekiwe, ndizakuyibhatala mhla ndafumana isidanga sam ndaqalisa ukuphangela. Izakubane mali izalayo futhi na le mali ndiyibolekwe ngurhulumente. Ndathi ndakufumana indaba zokuba isicelo sam sokuboleka imali savunywa ndavuya. Kodwa, ndiye ndaqonda ukuba ndingalivuyela njani ityala? Urhulumente ujonga abafundi abanabazali abangenokwazi ukubabhatalela izifundo, emva kojonga imeko zabafundi baye babanike le mali mbolekiso. Eyona nto indihluphayo yeyokuba imfundo iyathengiswa. Lo nto ithetha into yokuba abantu abaninzi abakwazi ukuyifumana le mfundo ngenxa yongabinayo imali.
Ndikhuliswa ngabazali abakholelwa kwinto yokuba le mfundo izakundivulela amathuba amaninzi, nditsho ndikwazi ukuphila ubomi obungcono kunobomi abaye bakwazi ukundika kona. Kodwa ke akukho sithembiso ukuba ndizakufumana umsebenzi zisuka xa ndigqibile ngezifundo zam. Enye into endenza ndibenexhala yeyokuba abantu ababhinqileyo basaphethwe kakubi emsebenzini, futhi bajongelwa phantsi. Abanye bade balale nemiphathi yabo, ukuze bafumane izikhundla eziphezulu. Iyathyafisa le nto, futhi ithetha into yokuba abantu bonke bacinga ukuba umntu ongumama onesikhundla esiphezulu uye walala nomphathi ukuze afumane lo msebenzi, okanye baye bangayithathili ngqalelo into athi ayithethe, kodwa ukuba ithethwa ngumntu ongutata iye ivakale kakuhle. Andikathethi ke ngengxaki yokuba ngumntu obhinqileyo omnyama emsebenzini.
Zininzi izinto ezityhafisayo xa uphila kwilizwe elisoloko likujongela phantsi ngenxa yesini futhi ngenxa yolusu lwakho. Kodwa ke ndikhuthazwa ngabazali bam, oobhuti bam futhi nabantu endakhe ubuhlobo nabo abazinikeleyo ekutshintsheni indlela izinto ezenziwa ngazo apha eMzantsi Afrika. Ndinethemba lokuba ndizakuphumelela ndibengumzekelo nakwabanye abantu, ngokuba ibalulekile into yokubona umntu ofana nawe, ngesini nangolusu ephumelele. Ithi lo nto nawe ungakwazi ukuphumelela.
Nangona imeko zimbi malunga nesimo sabantu abamnama eMzantsi Afrika nase lizweni jikelele, ndiyakholelwa ukuba imfundiso zika Biko, Sobukwe, Mafeje, Mbeki, Jordan nabanye zizakubanegalelo nakuthi nzalo yenkululeko, ukuze sisebenze ukuze lifezekeliseke eli phupha le nkululeko kuzo zonke iinkalo zobomi zomntu omnyama.
For non-Xhosa speakers, what my essay is about:
I start off by saying that I was born in Mthatha, spent six years there, then moved to East London. I also make the distinction between living in East London and my ancestral home being in Butterworth, eZazulwana.
I then discuss how excited I was to move to East London because I was going to have white friends. I question this statement I made years ago and argue that it reveals some inferiority complex and associating “white” with “good”. I made white friends in East London – in fact I made black, Indian and Coloured friends too. Why was I more keen to have white friends, though?
I then explore what it meant to be a black girl and what made me different in this diverse community I found myself in. I talk about how I hated swimming because it damaged my hair. I talk about how a teacher once told a group of black children "to go back to where they belong" and how I felt angry at that remark, but didn't know it was discriminatory. I talk about how some things were wrong, and we knew it, but we didn't have the words to explain those experiences.
I speak about how university has empowered me with language, the right words and literature to help explain these experiences and how universal they are sometimes. I have come to understand words like intersectionality, institutionalisation, capitalism, socialism, ubuntu and so many others that explain the systematic oppression.
I talk about how as a born-free in South Africa you are expected to embrace the rainbow nation and not speak of racism and your experiences, because we are now living in post-1994. I question that.
I talk about how I am a student who is studying through NSFAS and how I will be in debt. I ask why is education not free.
I end off by saying that although I am disheartened, disenchanted and tired I am still hopeful that this generation will bring true freedom and use the teachings of Biko, Sobukwe, Mafeje, Mbeki, Jordan and other phenomenal black scholars to realise true freedom.
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