Precious Bikitsha: "When something in my life was changing, my hair, too, had to undergo some form of change."
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The weekend before schools opened I always spent at a salon having a hairstyle done that I had picked out. My mother had always given me the freedom to decide what hairstyle I wanted and so trips to the salon were a huge deal, because I would have spent a lot of time deciding what hairstyle to do next. I would gladly endure the pain of the relaxer burning my scalp, sitting on a high stool and having my hair washed, sitting under a hot dryer for what seemed like hours, and even enduring the hairstylist(s) pulling my hair and scalp in order to get my braids or extensions tight enough so that they would last longer. This was my choice and I would endure the pain that came with it.
The first day of school was always exciting for me. Yes, I loved school but this was not why I was excited to go back. Before I went back to school my parents and siblings would shower me with compliments and assure me of just how beautiful I looked and so I went to school excited to start the year or term with a fresh hairstyle which signified a fresh start and a brand-new me. I had internalised from a young age that when something in my life was changing, my hair, too, had to undergo some form of change. Most importantly, my hair signified ownership and I took great pride in it.
I have had many different hairstyles growing up and when I was in high school I decided to get dreadlocks, which meant that I would have a limited choice when it came to hairstyles, but that did not discourage me. I remember when I had just started my dreadlocks, going to the salon was such a pain because mine were short and were not as “locked” as the other dreadlocks that I had seen at the salon. This did not deter me – I carried on taking care of my hair and before I knew it I had grown my dreadlocks for five years and I was proud of them. People would assert what I had already known: my beauty and the glory of my hair that I washed and twisted every two weeks. My hairdresser understood me and we built a very good relationship. I don’t think I have to explain why one has to have a good relationship with one’s hairdresser.
At the end of my first year, after having struggled to find a hair salon in Cape Town that I could rely on to take good care of my dreadlocks, I decided to cut my hair off. I remember seeing the shock on my mother’s face as she walked in on me cutting my dreadlocks off strand by strand. I looked away and carried on cutting, because I had decided that it was time for change and I had also felt restricted by my dreadlocks. I wanted to try different hairstyles and I also wanted to do something symbolic after what had been a year of thinking deeply about my identity, my surroundings and the world in which I exist. I felt different and I wanted my hair to reflect that.
I had never anticipated that cutting my hair would force me to think deeply about beauty and the politics of hair and femininity. After I had cut my hair, many people asked why I had cut my long dreadlocks; some asked for my dreadlocks and some even consoled me saying that I still looked beautiful even with short hair. Having short hair forced me to look at myself without my hair and to claim that beauty that was not affirmed by what I saw in magazines, on television and on social media. I also decided to wear bolder lipstick to make my face bolder, and brighter. I felt that I needed to compensate for the lack of hair on my head and for appearing “less feminine”.
My cousin, Zizipho Ntobongwana, put up a status on Facebook recently that has taken up a lot of my thinking time. Her status was, “When black women use hair as a process of healing”. When I first saw this status it seemed poetic and abstract, but I asked her to expand on the thought and she explained how her hair was the one thing she has ever owned, she has always had the freedom to choose her own hairstyles from a young age, and it was an extension of her feelings and transitional period. She explained that when a woman is about to change an integral part of her life she changes her hair as well. For Zizipho and many others, changing one's hairstyle is a process of healing and renewal.
I thought about this and it made a lot of sense to me, and it is as if Zizipho knew that I needed to promise myself as the year came to an end that I would be different, better and start afresh. On 31 December I decided to cut my hair as I got ready for the new year. This was a binding promise between me and my hair that this year was going to be a good year.
As I enter this year, I am excited to try out new hairstyles, dye my hair bold colours and take care of my hair as a way of saying that I want to be bolder about who I am and to explore parts of myself that until now I have ignored.
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La mpela veki phambi kokuba izikolo zivulwe ndandiyichitha ndihleli kwindawo ekwenziwa khona inwele, ndisenza inwele zam ndizikhethele ke phofu ukuba ndandifuna zibenjani. Ndisemncinci, umama wam wayesoloko endiyeka ndizikhethela indlela endandifuna uzenza ngazo inwele zam, lonto yayinduvuyisa kakhulu ibengathi andide ndifike kwindawo ezenziwa kuzo inwele. Ukunyamezela kwakulula ngenxa yokuba ndandizixelele ukuba ndizikhethele. Ndandiye ndithule xa nditshiswa yi relaxer okanye xa inwele zam zomiswa nge dryer okanye xa ndandihleli phezu kwesitulo esiphakamileyo, ndihlanjwa inwele. Nandingaziva nezo yure zininzi ndandizichitha ndisenzwa intloko, nditsalwa ngoosisi base salon ukuze inwele zingaphuncuki okanye zikwazi ukuhlala ixesha elide. Ndikhule abazali bam besithi “Nyamezela ntombazana, ubuhle buyasetyenzelwa” oko ndagcina lo ntetho yokunyamezela.
Imini yokuqala yokubuyela eskolweni ndandiyilangazelela kakhulu. Ewe, isikolo ndandisithanda kodwa ke ndandingavuyiswa kukubuyela eskolweni kuphela. Phambi kokuba ndiye eskolweni abazali bam kunye noobhuti bam babendincoma, bandipavele ngeyona ndlela, ndixelelwa ukuba ndimhle kakhulu. Ndandisiya eskolweni ndizithembile ukuba ndimhle ngokuba ndandiyixelelwa oko lonto ekhaya. Inwele ezintsha zazibonisa isiqalo esitsha, nomntu omtsha. Oko ndakhula ndicinga into yokuba xa utshintsha into ebomini bakho nenwele ngokunjalo nazo funeka zitshintshile. Kodwa okubalulekileyo, oko ndakhula inwele zam zizezam futhi ndizidla ngenwele zam.
Ndikhule ndisenza inwele ezahlukeneyo, ndicheba, ndirelaxer, ndifakela, ndibala ntoni na? Ndiye ndathi ndifikelela kwisikolo samabanga aphezulu, ndakhetha ukujija inwele zam ndibene dreads. Inwele ezijijiweyo zahlukile kwinwele ebendinazo ngokuba ngoku bendingakwazi ukuzitshintsha ndenze intlobo ngentlobo zezi style kodwa lonto zange indihluphe. Ndikhumbula ndisiya uyojija inwele esalon, ndijonge inwele zabanye abantu zona zinde kunezi zam futhi zijijekile; kodwa ke ndazixelela ukuba nam ngenye imini zizakukhula zibentle inwele zam. Ndizikhulise iminyaka esihlanu idreads zam, ndinebhongo ngazo futhi nabantu bendincoma ngenwele ezintle andandizikhathalele ndizihlamba ndizijija qho. Ndabane cham lokufumana umntu wenwele owayendazi futhi enomdla ngenwele, ibaluleke kakhulu ke into yokufumana umntu wenwele olungileyo; wonke umntu onenwele angakuxelela lonto.
Ndathi ndigqiba unyaka wam wokuqala edyunivesithi, emva kokusokola ukufumana umntu endimthembileyo owenza inwele eKapa ndakhetha ukuzicheba inwele zam. Ndikhumbula umama wam engena kwigumi lokulala ndizicheba ngeskere idreads zam ndabona apha kuye ebusweni ukuba akayiqondi kakuhle lento endiyenzayo. Ndavela ndajonga kude ndaqhubekeka nokucheba inwele zam ngokuba ndandizixelele ukuba ndidinga nje into entsha futhi ndandingakwazi ukwenza ezinye izinto ngenwele zam ngaphandle ngokuzijija nokwenza ke izi style kwange nwele zam ezi. Ndandifuna nento eyayibonisa ukuba ndingumntu owahlukileyo ngoku. Kulo nyaka ndafika edyunivesithi eKapa ndaqalisa ukucinga nzulu ngobomi bam, ukuba ndingubani kanye kanye, ndifuna ukuba ngubani kwelilizwe siphila kulo. Ndandiziva ukuba nditshintshile, futhi ndandifuna inwele zam zitshintshe zibonakalise lonto kanye.
Ukucheba inwele zam yabayinto eyandincedayo ndicinge ukuba thina bantu yintoni esiyibona intle emntwini, indima yezopolitiko kwindlela esibona ubuhle nenwele ngayo, ingakumbi imifanekiso esiyibonayo kwamaphepha-ndaba nakumabonakude. Ndaye ndacinga nento yokuba linenekazi. Awulilo xa inwele zakho zimfutshane? Abantu abaninzi babendibuza ukuba ndizichebele ntoni na inwele zam, abanye bazicele kuba babefuna ukuqala ukujija nabo abanye bade bandithuthuzela besithi “hayi kodwa usemhle ntombi”. Ukucheba kwam inwele kundifundise into yokuba mandizibone ndimhle, nangona obobuhle abubo obu bufunwayo komabonakude, kumaphepha-ndaba naxa sibukele ibeauty pagents. Kodwa ke nanku umnqa: ndaqalisa ukufaka ilipstick ukuzenza mhle. Ndandifuna ukulungiselela lento yongabina nwele.
Umzala wam uZizipho Ntobongwana wabhala into kuFacebook abantu ababhinqileyo abamnyama basebenzisa inwele zabo njengento abphilisayo, ndathi ndiqala ukufunda lento wayeyibhalileyo ndacela ukuba ayicacise. Wandicacisela ngokuthi yena inwele zakhe yeyona nto owakhe wakwazi ukuthi yeyakhe, ayibange ngokuba nangoku wayesakhula wayekwazi ukuzikhethela esalon into wayeyifuna uyenza entloko, inwele zakhe zazibonisa into ezininzi ezifana nendlela oweziva ngayo ngeloxesha futhi nokuba ugqitha kwinqanaba elithile ebomini bakhe ngexesha elithile. Waphinda wacacisa ukuba xa umntu obhinqileyo ezakutshintsha into ebomini bakhe uye atshintshe nenwele zakhe. Inwele ziyindlela yokuzilolonga nokuzitshintsha kwabantu abaninzi abamnyama.
Ndathatha ixesha ndayicinga lento eyayithethwa ngumzala wam ndavumelana naye, yabangathi uZizipho wayeyazi ukuba bendidinga ukunqophisana nenwele zam ekupheleni konyaka ukuba ndizakutshintsha kulo nyaka umtsha, ndiqala ngokutsha ndibengumntu obhetele. Ngalamini yokugqibela yonyaka ndathatha isigqibo sokuzicheba inwele zam, ngendlela yokulungiselela unyaka omtsha. Yayisisithembiso phakathi kwam nenwele zam ukuba lo unyaka umtsha uzakuba ngunyaka wam.
Ndingena nje kulo nyaka umtsha, ndifuna ukwenza izinto ezahlukileyo kwinwele zam, ndifuna ukutshintsha nebala lenwele zam, ndizikhathalelele. Lo nto ayipheleli kwinwele kuphela, kodwa ndifuna ukubangumntu ozama izinto ezintsha, ndingazoyikiseli.
- Precious is a 21-year-old anthropology and international relations student who is passionate about hair and she shares her thoughts on how black women use hair as a form of healing.
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