Today on my way home I stopped at a traffic light. A beggar came up to my window, but I politely smiled and shook my head. He turned to walk away and then turned back and stared at my legs. For what felt like a long time. He then looked up, licked his lips in a suggestive manner and walked away. Is it possible that I misinterpreted his actions? Sure. But I probably didn’t. This short exchange left me feeling many things. I felt exposed, ashamed, frightened, threatened and disgusted all at the same time.
When you strip away all the social, economic and even political elements of this exchange, it’s supposed to come down to a man asking a woman something and accepting her refusal without feeling the need to harass her in any way. But his social, economic and political histories and brokenness led him to do that. And my social, economic and political histories and brokenness led me to feel and react the way I did.
Many of my friends and family view me as a feminist. I’m lucky, though. I was brought up in a family of strong women and men who accepted one another as whole individuals. I work in a fairly liberal field, in many cases less chauvinistic/patriarchal than other industries. I have a husband who views and treats me as equal and friends who do the same. Thanks to the efforts of some incredible South African men and women, I’ve been able to vote since I was 18, and on paper I enjoy the same rights as South African men.
I don’t subscribe to a feminist worldview only because of what I may have experienced in the past but because of what women worldwide experience every day. I don’t subscribe to this worldview because I’m selfish or have an inflated sense of self-importance.
I’m a feminist because I want my children, whatever their gender may be, to grow up in a world where your gender doesn’t determine the way you treat other people and also doesn’t determine the way you’re treated. I want them to grow up and know that their own choices, true strengths and weaknesses, and not their gender, determine their paths.
I don’t want my daughter to someday feel scared when she has to get into a lift filled with men. I don’t want her to think that she didn’t get that job because she’s a girl. And I don’t want my son to feel as though he got the job just because he’s a man. I don’t want a male-dominated society to dictate how our children treat one another.
And that’s why I confront catcallers and ask them what response to their whistles will have me or a friend walk away with a tad of dignity. That’s part of why I kept my maiden name – because it should be my choice what I’m called and not someone at Home Affairs. Women should be offered that choice and be able to execute their decision with way less drama than we currently have to endure. That’s why I try to stand up to any form of harassment and discrimination in the best way I know how. That’s why I’m writing this post.
I realise that there are many academics and advocates who can explain all of this much better. And of course, this is only one side of the story – but the other side is not for me to tell.
There are many other issues, like economic and social inequality, feeding into what I’ve experienced today. But I believe that if we as a country build a better history for our children by treating each other as equals, they can someday treat each other from a frame of reference not determined by their gender, status or race.
I realise that this is a very basic and sort of ambiguous breakdown of my beliefs. Maybe I’m the only one who sees it this way. But until we change our children’s histories to something more whole, injustices to both men and women will continue to exist.
I for one don’t want feminism to exist forever. I really, really don’t. However, the fact that millions of men and women label themselves as such is telling of where we stand when it comes to gender equality. We still have a long way to go.
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